Shattered life does not mean you cannot find the light.

Hello all, I've been very depressed lately. I just realized how unhappy I am today. I've been denying that I'm having depression because I don't feel a thing. Little did I know that not a feeling anything is also a big problem because literally you just feel hopeless. Therefore, you stop responding to the nature and you find yourself dead inside. I can't do my works at all. Nights and days, I stared at my screen blankly, unable to digest whatever I was trying to read, let alone to write anything. I'm stuck and I still do...I feel extremely upset and lost. I did not submit my assignment at all and I started thinking I might not graduating this semester. 

But I felt nothing.......nil......empty.....

Then a sudden realisation struck me this morning. I'm ruining my future. I'm a failure and I'm a disappointment. 

My heart is screaming begging me to escape the world...my normal world..I feel like running away..my friends, Josh and Nathan encourage me to go for a short escapade. However, it does not feel right. Running away does not feel right. A tired restless heart needs to go back go its nature, which is to find its creator. I was so depressed that I shut off everything. Family, friends and even quran. When I read quran today, my heart melted in pleasure and guilt. I cried so hard because I feel so lost and I don't want to give up on myself. Fighting, fighting and keep fighting. I'll try my best to pull myself together. At time like this, I hope people would understand why I push everyone away. It would be great though if someone could bring me some malaysian food and delicious dessert...much appreciated. And please remember me in your prayers  :(